Naught for All

So, the cops finally got me this morning. They've come around a couple of times before, but I am either not there or I pretend I'm not there. I knew I was being watched pretty closely, but it seemed like I was coming out ahead. This time, though, an RCMP officer from the UBC Endowment Lands detachment nailed me as I was pulling into a parking spot at the Village at 1 am. Nowhere to run; nowhere to hide.

He pulled me over because of the apparently innumerable complaints that they have had from people in the neighbourhood, despite the fact that no one can even see the truck from their house. What's more, I've never been anything but the quiet, litter-collecting neighbour that most people would love to have living nearby. In fact, I've even considered having passerby in for tea. Har-har.

Thing is, it makes people uncomfortable to have a vehicle-dweller nearby. I could be crazy! I could be dangerous! I could snap and eat their cats! I mean, why the hell would anyone in their right mind live in a camper?

Because I don't need a place. Because I like the freedom. Because I can't afford to pay $500 a month to live on a living room floor. Because I don't want to take out a huge loan and then use 2/3 of it on shelter that I'll never own. Because I am aware of the fact that stuff I pay for with student loans is subject to interest. Because it is fun during the good times and builds character during the hard times. Because living in one place all the time is boring. Because I can have a million-dollar view when I need one. And on and on and on...

Anyway, they finally got me. The bastards are winning. This cop was pretty nasty to me; really unpleasant. He blinds me with his Maglight and chops out, "Show me your hands! Keep 'em on the steering wheel where I can see 'em!", while he gets my plate number. Yeah, I know: it's the hair. I look like a terrorist. Squints at my licence; "How long have you been in Canada?", he spits. Jesus, the tone he took... Even I am pretty convinced that I am a pox on society at this point. "So, how much have you had to drink tonight?", flashlight darting to the newly-vacuumed floorboards. Well, it was 1 am when he pulled me over, and I had had two beer around 4:00 pm and one at 9:30 pm... I think I was in the clear.

He told me that loads of people have been complaining, and it looks like the gig is up. He mentioned that he himself lives in the Endowment Lands and has been seeing my rig around there since September (which is not even true, but hey, I'm a monster). Apparently he sympathizes with my situation, as he was a student once too, but it is his job to treat me like crap and run me out of his jurisdiction so that some Vancouver cop can deal with me.

After running my licence he came back with the scathing verdict. "Right, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna let you off this time. You're gonna leave this thing here because you're drinking. You're not going to move it tonight, and if I see you move it tonight or if I ever catch you drinking and driving again I'm gonna tow you and hit you with every fine and ticket I've got: overlength vehicle, camping overnight, endangering traffic on a highway, clearance light violations..." This is incredible, considering I'm not doing anything, I'm not drinking and my BAC is negligible, if not zero.

The worst part, aside from the way he talked to me, was that he wouldn't tell me anything about where I might be able to park. All he wanted to do was scare me out of the Endowment Lands so that he doesn't have to deal with complaints anymore.

I don't know what to do, where to go. I really don't have the money to do another trial-and-error in the camper-unfriendly neighbourhoods of Kits. I guess I'll go beg the UBC Farm caretakers to take me in.